Monday, June 30, 2008

THE DAY I GOT HOME AFTER 8 DAYS BEEN AWAY

God knows how I much I miss him already. Padahal he just flew back to Miri this evening.

By the way, I just got back from KKP 2008. That is our annual event that bonds all staffs through sports, performance and etc. I was selected to represent our contingent in ping pong and netball. but too bad. I was more interested to dance and perform with the performance team.And there I went, and no regrets, the team was superb. Semuanya ada sikit mereng, tetapi tersangatlah happening ok.

The sad part, we lost. Because of certain issues. Alaa biasa lah kan, we hold the 1st place for 2 years already. Of course people would mencari kesalahan so that we would not win. And itu lah yang terjadi. Kata kitorang salah tema, padahal dalam policy tuh, it was clearly written 'movies night out I.E drama tari. So are we obliged to do drama tari. Itu adalah contoh sahaje kan. Suka hati kami lah nak buat something else which was not drama tari, as long as we included the movies night out theme. Right? We know we are correct. Hah. Walaupon kalah, we know we lost with pride. The whole crowd agreed that we were supposed to win. Sampaika Harith Iskandar (the emcee for that night) kata, "Are you sure they are not professional dancers? I can buy that" .Ohhh we danced like the professionals ok. Take that as a fact. Hah.

I'll write more on the KKP later. Because I am still waiting for the photos. Macam Diva ok. Diva at the Las VEgas because the costume, the make up.Kesemuanya adalah di-exaggerate.

I was performing sangat besungguh-sungguh lah kan. Kerana apa? Kerana ialah MN tiba-tiba told be he would come back and will be watching me performing. Like what? He was supposed to come back on Friday( which means tak sempat tgk my show). But he came back on Wednesday instead. Maka sempatlah melihat show itu. Even though aku ala-ala malu, tetapi hati ni melompat-lompat gembira ok.Wheee ! Patutlah last week masa dia nak balik Miri tu dia kate ," What if kalau saya tgk awk perform nanti?" I was like, " there's no way awk akan tgk kan. Awk kan sampai KL after performance tu habes." And after that MN tesenyum sinis. Ohh patutlah, dia memang tau die nak balik and sempat tgk show itu, Heh.

Ok bercerita tentang kesedihan hati pada malam tadi.

Last nyte was the KKP grand finale closing. MN and I planned to go together lah kan, of course. But suddenly on last Friday, he asked me to get more tixs sebab he wanted to bring his family as well. Me being ok je lah, knowing that MN dah jarang balik to his hometown, asyik lepak KL je kan. Heh. Since the family was at the grand finale as well, I changed my mindset lah. Of course he would spend more time with his family kan, and I would not join them. Even though aku dah kenal and pernah jumpa his family, i am not yet ready kalau nak stay with them during the event. Blom berada dalam their comfort one lagi.

Tengah aku duduk-duduk kesedihan (sebab MN was not with me kan), he texted me. The sms went like "
Yang, sy kat blkang ni, sebelah kiri stage. Dtg lah sini jumpa mak sy :) "
Aku telambat baca sms tu, after a while MN dtg kat aku and tanye "Awk nak jumpa mak syg tak?" He was expecting aku dah baca sms dia la kan. Tp aku tak baca lagi pada ketika itu.Aku mcm blur2 je lah, then he went away gi kat family dia smula. Sesungguhnya aku tersangat kecik hati lah kan. Sebab:

1) Ada ke dia ajak aku jumpa parents dia, anta sms mcm tu jer. Takkan la aku nak pegi to the family sesorang and join them tetiba. Isn't that weird? MN sepatutnya dtg pada aku and ajak aku gi jumpa family dia, bukan text-ed me macam itu.

2) Walaupun dia dtg pada aku lepas dia text-ed me, dia tanya aku plak whether nak jumpa family die or not. Dia sepatutnya ajak aku like " Jom ikut sy jumpa family sy" bukan " Awk nak jumpa family sy?" Does that make sense? Kami ialah masih baru dalam relationship, kalau he asked me nak jumpa atau tak, of course aku akan agak berat ati. Tapi kalau dia ajak, of course aku pegi jumpa dgn rela hati.

Maka dengan itu, aku declare merajuk buat pertama kali dalam relationship ni.Tak pernah aku metajuk before ni, sebab aku kan suka berfikiran rational.Heh. After MN's family balik, we went for movie. Tp aku diam je tak bnyk cakap pun. And aku tau MN TAK TAU aku terasa. Lelaki kan..they don't read our minds.

Sampailah ke pagi tadi, aku nye keterasaan masih lagi ada. Tp semalam MN asked me, aku menangis ke dalam keta. Sebab mungkin dia perasan aku asyik temenung and muka sedih. Tp biasa lah perempuan, aku cakap aku ok je,Padahal tak ok pun. Pagi tadi baru aku bgth yg aku terasa bla..bla.bla.. He was kinds shocked lah sebab tak sangka kot aku bole terasa benda camtu.Naseb baik dia mengaku yg dia sepatunya dtg pd aku ngan bawak aku jumpa family dia. And naseb baik MN mintak maaf n pujuk aku. And naseb baik aku dah sejuk ati sikit and senang je ok smula :) Dan kami kembali ok.

I understand MN tak open sgt pasal our relationship with his family, Maybe because of his past experience. Aku jumpa family dia hari tu pon, macam tak plan and secara tiba-tiba. That's why aku macam agak segan. But kalau nak diikutkan, aku ni yg sepatutnya tak reveal sgt our relationship pada family. Sebab the whole family (mama papa makcik pakcik atok toknek tokchik saaaattuu kampung) semua tau aku adalah together with NH. And they expect kalau aku kawen, sememangnya dgn NH. Aku nekad je open up pasal MN to my family kecik ngan family rapat2 sebab nak ubah their mindsets about NH. Compared with MN nye past experience, aku tau aku punya past lagi bnyk impact sebenarnya. Tetapi aku respect je apa pun decision MN.

Apa-apa pun, aku tetap syg MN and am hoping for a bright future with him. I don't know why, but I could see him as my better half . Hope everything goes well even though we just started.

AKu lapa, mahu makan. Taa~

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