Sunday, June 1, 2008

LET IT BE

I Cannot help myself from thinking about the past. Yes, i know that is so not cool especially what it's about the past relationship. I thought I could start fresh but somehow I feel like bench-marking someone. And that is wrong. Yup I admit that. Ok fine, I'm going here and there without a clear beginning. Let me crystal out things.

I just started a new relationship.Urmm it started 2 mnths ago. 23rd March to be exact :) I'm cool and I thank God loads for giving me this strength to start this whole new knowing-you-me-frens-family-everything thingy.It was hard. It is hard. And it will be hard.

If I were to talk about my past, i bet it would take weeks to write. And I'm not gonna do that because I'm trying so hard to forget someone and the past 9 years with him. Yes, I was with him for 9 years. Kalau ade anak, dah darjah 3 ok. Hah. We broke up not because of a strong reason. It was just 'i'm sick of you, and I think we are not meant for each other thingy'.You imagine, a relationship somehow would reach a plateau if you did not take any step further. The spark was no more in me and him, and we just could not be together. Ada saja benda tak kena here and there. Even a simple thing became a damn volcano. But it is so unfair to say it was a mistake we had made. He did treat me nice. So nice that I felt like I was on top of the world. Everything would be in front of me in a blink. No second. Just tell him. I know he loves me more than himself. He would put aside everything, just to prioritize me. I felt loved. So much love.

But things could not work out. It was so sudden. And oh ya, it was because this one biatch who also ruined our relationship. Maybe it was not his fault, but this one big thing between him and her, that I just could not get rid out of my mind.No matter how hard I tried. That big thing caused us to argue and fight a lot. It crushed my trust towards him. We could not cope to each other.The most reasonable reason we broke up.Simplified.

It's unfair for MN if I keep thinking about NHY. Oh MN is my BF and NHY is my ex's initial. The reason I accepted and had myself ready to commit with Mr.BF is I see him as the one who can guide me and be part of my life. And of course I admit that I started to love him already. Maybe not much as I was with NHY, but it is a good start for someone yg sudah trauma seperti saya. Believe me, it is so hard to get over a 9-year relationship. It's just difficult.

Frome the moment we commited, I promised myself not to think about NHY anymore. I have to get him out of my mind if I want to go serious with MN. Of course I want to. And I need Mr.BF's help on this one. Spare that for next entry.

I'm getting sleepy. Goodnyte.

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